Some Random Comedy

Current mood:  silly

Hi folks.

This is going to seem out of character for this blog because I mostly have used Myspace for serious purposes and not for random silliness.

As those of you who know me know, this is not an accurate projection of my personality into Myspace. In fact, I like to be silly.

So. Here goes nothing:

Porncupine

Porn on the Cob

Creamed Porn

Orville Reddenbacher's Gourmet Microwaveable Popping Porn

Candy Porn

Pornbread

Porn Pudding

Pornish Game Hens

Porned Beef Hash

Pornucopia

Porningware

Caramel Porn

Dr. Scholl's Porn Remover Pads

Porn Fritters

Porndog

Pornhusker's Lotion

Shucking Porn

Pornsilk

Porn-cob Pipe

Porn Chips

Porn meal

Pornstarch

Porn Syrup

Porn Chex

And on the other hand:

Corn Star

I will leave it at that. Perhaps things will seem more balanced now.

Love,

Josh

Currently listening :

God Fodder

By Ned's Atomic Dustbin

Release date: By 02 July, 1991

P.O.D. is so deep! (Addendum)

Current mood:  sleepy

I was just thinking about how my last blog post spoke to a very specific audience. What I'm trying to say is that I've dated myself, and therefore potentially alienated those of different generations.

Even though the music list in the paragraph that starts with "so, I urge you to..." is diverse, I think there may be people out there who are confused by the whole Ricky Martin, Kanye West thing. I'm talking about the people who don't know the difference between Britney Spears and Alanis Morissette. You know, older people...

I don't mean like convalescents or anything, just people who might not have been aware of what was going on in the music world after, say, 1990.

Now - I know some of you are going to say that I did include something from the present, the nineties, the eighties, and the seventies. And you are right.

But, in order to make myself perfectly clear, I am hereby listing several 'bursts,' if you will, of musicians/bands/artists for different types of people.

Here's what you do: Find your burst, it's the one that is most familiar to you - open a new browser window - in the new window, open my blog entry entitled 'P.O.D. is so deep!' - read it - BUT - and this is the important part - when you start seeing band names (starting with Creed), replace each band name with the corresponding one on your burst. This way, you get to understand the meaning of the post, without having to refer to the Wikipedia, or the Dictionary of Cultural Literacy.

Here goes:

Burst 1)

Poison, Richard Marx, Roxette, Ace of Base, MC Hammer, Nelson, Guns 'n Roses, Tone Loc, Michael Damien, Extreme, Bon Jovi, C&C Music Factory, Technotronic, Gloria Estefan, Robert Plant's solo stuff (think Long Cool One), Whitesnake, Ugly Kid Joe, Firehouse

Burst 2)

Tiffany, Air Supply, Olivia Newton-John, Huey Lewis and the News, Belinda Carlisle, Peter Cetera, Anne Murray, Steve Winwood, Mike the Mechanics, Phil Collins, Timbuk3, Haircut One Hundred, EBN-OZN, The Jets, Menudo, ABBA, Hall and Oates, Toni Basil

Burst 3)

Shaun Cassidy, Climax, Barry Manilow, Debby Boone, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Captain and Tennille, Linda Ronstadt, Michael McDonald, Steve Earle, Christopher Cross, Jefferson Starship (as opposed to Jefferson Airplane, who kicked ass!), The Doobie Brothers, Neil Sedaka, Don Ho, Donny and Marie, Leif Garrett, Bob Seger, J. Geils Band, Bette Midler

Burst 4) (sorry for the fast forward, I just realized I was leaving out gen-X...)

Cowboy Mouth, Deep Blue Something, Backstreet Boys, Nerf Herder, Limp Bizkit, Barenaked Ladies, Puff Daddy, Blues Traveler, Bush, Silverchair, Hootie and the Blowfish, N*Sync, Everlast, Kid Rock, Blink 182 (Sorry Travis, the Aquabats rock!), Master P, Third Eye Blind, Sparklehorse, Mase

I suppose I should leave it at that. I haven't thought back as far back as the sixties yet, so maybe that will be another addendum, I don't know. It would probably be Leslie Gore, the Beach Boys, Jan and Dean, etc. I'll have to think that one through.

Anyway, I hope this helped you to figure out what I was talking about. Of course, this post is of the utmost importance, which is why I've been working on it for about an hour and a half (believe it or not... it's really hard to think of nineteen horrible bands from specific eras... try it!).

OK

I will let you go be yourself now.

Have a great day.

-Josh

Currently listening :

Quebec, By Ween

Release date: By 05 August, 2003

P.O.D. is so deep!

Current mood:  awake

Hey-

I just thought you guys might be interested to know that when I post a blog, I say I'm currently listening to whatever is literally playing on my iTunes at the second I am posting.

This way, you will be able to get a true feel for who I am, without my having to pretentiously choose some impressive or trendy record for you. Seriously, people do that.

Oh, and by the way, did I ever tell you the Meat Puppets story?

um... ok this is going to be a little random, but here goes:

About 10 (??? it was when I was music director at WVCW, so like 95 or 96) years ago, I was in Peaches, shopping for something (I think it was for Orff's "Carmina Burana"), and these two kids were at the racks next to me, flipping randomly through the CDs. They were blabbing and babbling and chitchatting about this and that and nothing in particular, when they came upon the Meat Puppets CD (I don't remember the title, it's the one with Backwater on it...).

Anyway, so here is how their conversation went:

boy1- "Oh! The Meat Puppets!"

boy2- "Who are they?"

boy1- "I don't know, but my brother says they're awesome."

boy2- "Awesome"

boy1- "I'm gonna buy it."

Isn't that absolutely horrifying?

It's a weird subject for me to have an opinion on, but I do.

When I was music director, I used to get calls from the record labels, and I found out how seedy the music industry really is... You guys think it's all about the sex and drugs, but it's not.

It's Payola.

You see, in the '50s, the government made it illegal for record companies to pay radio stations to play their music. So what they do now, instead, is bribe college DJs with stuff.

So when you hear a song on the radio, it usually does not mean it's there because someone thinks it's good. It's really because DJs get all this swag for playing it. The radio stations seriously don't give a rat's ass about the quality of the music, they just want to play what's popular. And popularity is based on charts. And charts are based on actual rotations, and they even get audited for accuracy... And for a new artist to break big on commercial radio, they have to break on college radio first. College kids are poor. College DJs are college kids. College DJs need stuff. College DJs get stuff, for free, from record companies, in exchange for heavily rotating whatever crap the record company wants them to. You always thought it was about experts listening and sharing the good stuff with you. You were wrong. Its about a can cozy with a picture of the Hawthorne Heights album cover art on it. You gotta keep your beer cold, right?

Furthermore, the American public has no idea how little they really care about music. Everybody thinks they are into music, but most people just listen to whatever they get stuck in their heads, which is usually there because the radio is playing it all the time, which is usually because it's on the charts, which is usually becuse some record executive bribed all the DJs to play it. (See above)

This is why you listen to Creed, Alanis Morissette, Chingy, The Presidents of the United States of America, Linkin Park, Evanescence, and so on. I could make a list that goes on forever and ever, but I think you get the drift.

Meanwhile, the really good bands have to struggle to survive, in the underground, in bars and nightclubs, constantly touring in their VW Bus, hoping people will watch their video on Havoc. These poor guys have so much talent and they love what they do, but their careers are foreshortened by capitalist machinery. Art and money should have to be mutually exclusive in this world...

So, I urge you to listen to the music that you actually enjoy listening to. If, instead of everybody just being trendy and trying to fit in, they were to spend a little of their brainpower actually judging the quality of the music they listen to, we would never have to suffer through the likes of Celine Dion, Ricky Martin, Gerardo, Phil Collins, Kanye West, Garth Brooks, Hanson, New Kids on the Block, Dokken, the Bee Gees, The Dave Matthews Band, recent works by Elton John, the Black Eyed Peas, or Britney Spears ever again, and good, talented folks might be able to eat something more than Maruchan instant ramen and Sam's Choice Cola for dinner every night. (Maruchan means "circleboy" in Japanese, which is so cute to me. Their logo is even a cute circle with a little boy face!)

I'm just saying...

By the way, when I was the music director at WVCW, I had a nickname with certain distribution companies who had integrity, and who I respected. They called me "the only honest music director in college radio." When the station dissolved because of political strife, lies, dishonesty, and ridiculous control issues on the part of a certain faculty advisor, I went away with it, and I took the nickname with me. I can only hope that somewhere out there, there is some new kid that takes the music seriously enough to stand up to these corporate punkoes. Seriously, if you are a music director at a college radio station, and the guy from SubPOP calls you and tells you he has a brand new band that sounds just like Green Day crossed with the Offspring (which is seriously what the guy from SubPOP said... no... yelled to me about Goldfinger, of all things...) and that you have to play it, tell him Walgreens sells t-shirts, 4 for ten dollars. That ought to shut him up.

Thank you for your support.

-Josh

Currently listening :

Animals

By Pink Floyd

Release date: By 25 April, 2000

I finally remembered to research Mithraism...

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Current mood: Smug

Hey folks- A couple years ago, I was driving around on Christmas Eve, listening to NPR, when a show came on all about Mithraism. It was amazing. Basically, the show proved to me, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Christianity is fully based on pagan myths. Which is great, because I am always looking for new fodder for my arsenal... I listened to it, and I loved it. And I babbled about it to everyone I know. 

And of course, most of them got pissed off because There Goes Josh, Ranting About Religion Again... So, I'm not going to do that this time. 

Instead, I will invite you, if you are interested, to check out the entry on Mithraism in the Wikipedia. It is very insightful... ClickMe! I am a link to the Wikipedia's Mithraism entry... I think you will be pleased, or at least your interest will be piqued. 

Okee dokee- That's all, I just wanted to be able to put that link somewhere, and there isn't a links section on our Myspace pages (which is odd, don't you think?) Anyway- Have a pleasant time until we meet again, and after for that matter... 

-Josh

Currently listening:

Maggots: The Record

By Wendy O. Williams

Release date: 19 December, 2000